Confession.

Here we go, welcome to my funeral.

This time I would like to be honest. A little bit honest with myself, you, them, everyone.

"For people of our age, what the hell do we know about love. Why are we using the word as though we knew of it - Quote Jeanie."  However, who is there to be able to claim he knows about love. Each of our views on love are different; some feels that love can be cultivated while others feels that love is a feeling that if its there it would always be there.

p/s. You can skip the blockquote part if you are not interested in my story.

I believe that i really did think through it and made the right choice for myself that time. Making the choice wasn't on impulse and i knew that going through this is only getting me hurt yet again. Hence, upon deciding, i promise myself to not ever cry because of this relationship which of course i failed to keep that promise to myself.  The whole relationship started to work out but on a sad note, we advanced way too fast. Along with the speed of this relationship, i foolishly fell too deep in love, forgetting the fact that i knew your feelings won't last. Believe it or not, i already guess that feelings of yours would fade off. Need evidence? get prove from my MSN chats with this particular closed friend that i speak to about me and you.

Indeed, I'm disappointed. But who am i to blame for my own foolishness. Foolish to listen to your sweet talks, listen to the promises you made, the words you speak, engraving them in my mind thinking you would remember them too. A failure. I fail in being too full of myself. So much for understanding me. Having you to understand the simple fact of ' okay. (Im blessed to have you) ' was actually very difficult. My apologies. My fault for not understanding you as well. You are unique. I am comfortable with you. And the motivation of yours could pull me through any difficulties. As i made my first step back into npcc, starting my first step as cadet inspector trainee, it was horribly tiring. I could tell you that its no easy task and with my families in concern i could have just given it up if i hadn't had my friends and your support. You hadn't knew. Without you and your support, I failed. Worst, i let emotions take control of me. I nearly broke down; that day my mum screwed me, my nametag was nowhere to be found t-w-i-c-e (come on, which person could lose the same thing twice in a row), i need help but my hand just can't press the call for you. I guess i realised the true meaning behind p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c on that day.

Hearing no news from you, im going mad so i took the chances: i need an answer from you so i guess lets meet. My hopes are raised by friends, so i thought i will be fine. Upon seeing you, thats when everything is going to be fine turns wrong. This time, silence are not golden. Its suffocating me as though it wants to stop me from breathing. As your sorry fell on the ground, rain found its way to my heart. The look you had on your face is so hurting. The words were deafening. The reason wasn't sastifying. I am angered. No worries, i cried for an hour and that's it. Fulfilling my promise(s) to me and them. Laughing wasn't a problem since they couldnt see my empty heart. Days went on fine, i laughed, i enjoyed, i cheered, i smiled. It was perfectly fine till W saw through my empty heart and start talking to me about it. I know I haven't got over you and I am currently escaping from reality. FML. You really don't feel anymore of it, right.

Im done with the story and im not crying over this. This is my confession; I still love you. Yes love, i love you. You're one of the special moments in my life. However, as much as i wants, nobody is going to stay and love me forever. Hence, I realised its time for me to let go.(Even though, i really wish that we are only separating for this short period of time& we'll be back again.) Since you're already loving your life without me, i take back my words for saying that you are unique because you are just another human similiarly to my _______.

Cause' its making me feel disgusting and you just made me dislike my life more. & if that never happen... FML._.