It's a scary thing.

It's happening again. But this time is different. Back then, I would have been upset, upset for a very long damn time yet I know life still have to go on; I just gotta keep living my life the way I would have. This time, I can't foresee a future. I can't imagine how my future will be like. I didn't want to face it. I want to die. 

Falling in love was easy. It seems like only yesterday, but it's coming to a year and eight month soon. You came back into my life, gave a shot that you never thought would be possible. On that first day we met, things are kinda a little awkward. You're always the quiet one, but I see you putting in that effort to catch up, to make me feel at ease and to let me enjoy my time. You had me. Still remember you wearing that white inner shirt that i dislike a lot and when you laid on the floor to play with Ash just to make me laugh, you got me. In that very moment, it all felt right. Comfortable. I found what I've been searching for.

You never thought I would have said yes. I didn't think I would as well. Things just sped away from then on, we're moving so fast we both know we shouldn't. I tried to stop myself, and move things slower. But it just couldn't. With you, I felt like I could do anything. I could fight the world because I have you. But I still fear, fear of the unknowns, fear of all my inner demons that will one day, overwhelm you and destroy what I'd have. You told me, you'll fight with me. You sweeten things up, and got me going on. You teach me, push me, trigger up all my emotions that I frantically tried to hide deep within. But somehow, I fell into it. A trap i would say.

And that was just the first month we got together. Now at the 19th month point, I wonder how easy it was to say let go. How do I think like you do. I knew what I had, but i never expect to lose it. It's not goodbye. I'm not done fighting for us.

I would love you to the end of time.